


Oikawa xDrake and also Iwa is there: A Love Story for the AGES

by oikawamemesquad



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Canada, M/M, Multi, full of sin, very nsfw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-29
Updated: 2015-04-29
Packaged: 2018-03-26 07:51:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3842878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oikawamemesquad/pseuds/oikawamemesquad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Had I right, for my own benefit, to inflict this curse upon everlasting generations? I had before been moved by the sophisms of the being I had created; I had been struck senseless by his fiendish threats; but now, for the first time, the wickedness of my promise burst upon me; I shuddered to think that future ages might curse me as their pest, whose selfishness had not hesitated to buy its own peace at the price, perhaps, of the existence of the whole human race." - Frankenstein</p>
            </blockquote>





	Oikawa xDrake and also Iwa is there: A Love Story for the AGES

LET’S MEME IT UP FUCKERS (started from the bottom now we here… still at the bottomw lmao) oik(canad)awa too(nie)ru/Drake (the rapper)/iwaizoom

Oikawa xDrake and also Iwa is there: A Love Story for the AGES

Once upon a time in a faraway land there lived an ogre in a swamp oh I was typing this out thinking it was gonna be the Shrek opening but then I realized I don’t actually know the Shrek opening word for word [fake fan wow]

I once watched Shrek 6 times in  a weekend, how do I NOT know it

one upn a (meme) time

its meme time

meme me up Scottie

We’re memein as fast as we can, Captain! She cannae meme any faster!

meme me up (meme me up inside) i can’t meme up (meme me up inside) meeeeeeme meeeee

 

drake was j(eh)st a boy.,,,,,,,,, , J(eh)st a Canehdian (eh) boy, with many succ(eh)ssful albums and a v(eh)ry large following, but still a normal mapl(eh) syrup (eh)  fucking boy… the saddest boy in all of canad.

 

One day Drake re(h)alized he(h) had……………..a crUS(e)H, a painful crush,on a Japanese vollyball captain and his own persanal bee(h)f(pan)cake (with maple syrup) (so maybe two crushes but whatever Drake is too successful to worry about counting, he has ppl to do that for him) nd a single tear slid down his canehdian cheek as he started Drakeing gently

 

Drake murmered to himself, very Drakesquely,

 

“he cna serve so well, but i can’t serve him my lov” wthi this Darke haad anthr mapl srup tear rolld dwn hs Canadian cheek. “and his friend’s arms are powerful but can they hold my love?” he trly wos the sddest boy in all of canadia

he touch the glass windo… (hes at home hha) he looks at the reflc ton of his  hand. “i wish the other hand was toorus………….” hes got 99 problmes… and oikaw is wone….

 

drak*Drake goe to the dine and thin s abt tooroo. … and iwaiz(b)u(ff)mi… bbt in his tthonts…. he kncks a glas of the tabl.  one of the stff comes to pick it up and Drake knells down to help. he claps the staffpersn on the bck.

“We’re gonna pick up the broken pisces (fck… pieces...

\--

“I want to shag his balls, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa stated from the moment he woke up, naked and covered in maple syrup and moose hair, his bedroom covered in pictures of the Canadian rapper they call DRAKE(how dare u disgrace DRAKE by writing in all lower cas), “I want him to shoot his dick (maple) syrup into my waiting Japanese asshole.”

 

IWa-chan said “Oikawa I thought you loved me, are you leaving me for a Canadian who doesn’t even know your name?” His biceps glistened like maple syrup but Iwa-chan was clean not filthy like Oikawa so the shine was 100% natural and not tree-sap-induced.

“i kno u love him too iwa-chan” oikawa cooes, stroking his friend’s fucking glittering guns. they smelled like mapleh syrup but there was no maple syrup on Iwa-chan because he is too perf. No wonder Oikawa loves him if he smells like Canada naturally. “besides the heart wants what it wants”

 

“first o f all thats selena gomez. and second, I love the idea of Drake,” Iwa said philoshpoically, “but do I love the man? How can you truly love someone if you only see them at a distance?”

 

“Drake is love, Drake is life,” he whispers as he pours more maple syrup into his thirsty asshole.

 

It’s no use, he’s done everything as Canadian as possible in order to summon his lover. He’s eaten nothing but poutine and bagged milk (poutine is not healthy children) (he works some of it off with volleyball though, don’t worry), he’s had sex with a snowbank at least twice, he attempted to fit mount fuji up his butt (mountain sex is v canadian), he tried to fight a moose in the fucking pit, he made out with a fish, and he’s currently using maple syrup as a sticky yet delicious lube for when he inserts an entire hockey stick in his hungry rectum (wtf the fuck), he wraps himself naked in the Canadian flag and runs around the neighborhood twice a day scream-singing “O Canada” and terrifying small children (no one wanted to see your little Tooru and that flag doesn’t cover nearly as much as you think it does) except he’s replaced all the lyrics with “Drake Please Come Love Me”, and yet NOTHING WORKS.

(this is my favorite sentence of all time)

 

“iwa-chan why dont you help me out at all”

 

“i dont do drake”

 

“but u listen to drake so much”

 

“see its a metaphor” iwa-chan says. “you listen to the drake songs but you dont give them the power to drake you” drake me up (drake me up inside) i cant drake up (drake me up inside)

 

Drake apprs now. hes here. how? with the power of love. nvm just kidding he rode on a giant ass moose (meese are surprisingly decent swimmers and can get you across the entire Pacific, did you know that? Feel free to try this at home, kids!)

“Oh Drake” gasps Oikawa. “i did this for you” he gestures wildly to the maple syrup lube

 

iwaizumi, struck breathless upon seeing the beautiful rapper in front of him, in the flesh, clutches at the fabric of his shirt where his heart is supposed to be. there is a gust of wind, somehow, in this closed room and as the wind blows gently at his hair and clothes, he wonders, tenderly.

 

“what is this feeling…?”

 

he feels a pang of regret, recounting all the times he had denied his love for drake, but not again, he decides. not anymore. not ever. he had pushed the light of his life away far too many times, but seeing him now, in the room, with the other love of his life, iwaizumi firmly grabs drake’s wrists and smothers the rapper with a searing, heated gaze.

 

he joins in on the maple syrup fucking

 

theyf ucking jac k off to maple syrup while drake rap s they fuckin g maple  sy rip. Drak e wwhspres “if ur rreading this its Too Late” he holds out his mixtape. its tarts playing but its not his mixtap. its Nicki Minaj (j/n: [lol instead of a/n it s j/n bc im june loomaooo get it] i mispelt this bu that s a crim. nicki is a goddess im sorr nicki)  iwaizoom starts to cry. iwa luhv s nicki so muc (k/n i feel)

 

Drake knows what iwaizuom is thinkng. he leens ovr. “ i lov he r to…” iwaizoom tears up n kkisses Drake oh my god. he tastes like maple syrup and snow. and purity. bc dDrak e is “

“take away my purity, Toonie,” he gasps.

“It’s Tooru,” he says, but then he realized. In order to get his love, he must do the right thing. The ultimate act of Canadianism.

“Iwa-chan. My name is now...Oikawa….Toonie.” (like the CANADIAN money wow swag)

“NOOOOO OIKAWAAAAA,” he sobbed, “then I must change my name too. In order to be one with you.”

“Welcome to Canada...Haddock emuzoom.” Drake whispered, wiping away a tear.

“It’s not Canadian enough,” he shouts, “I SHALL BE FOREVER KNOWN AS LOONIE TIM HORTONS DOUBLE-DOUBLE ELIZABETH II EH. NOW DO I HAVE YOUR HEART, TOONIE?”

“Oh loonie!” he gasped, “of course you have my heart, and my favourite tuque and mittens set.”

Drake shed a canadian tear, “it’s so romantic.”

 

they kiss passionately, Drake alternating between the two volleyball players, thouroughly enjoying the taste of their lips as if they were maple syrup on snow. they all do the diddly do do sexy time cha cha real smooth. it was hot hot like tater tot except not tater tots more like mac n cheese bc canada apparently eats more of that than americans do??? holy fuck the more you know

 

anyway they played around with their maple syrup sticks and were all spent and suddenly drake pulled out two small boxes.

 

oikawa, no, toonie and tims hortons double-double elizabeth II eh both gasped and glanced at each other

 

“ur both my moosey goosey lovers and ‘i can make you wet and i can make u laugh’ ‘i just want some head in a comfortable bed, it could all be so simple’ because ‘i got my eyes on you, you’re eveyrything that i see’”

 

it was v romantic even tho he was reading his own lyrics but drake is like the definition of romance, drake goes fucking hard. drake gets me fucking hard

 

but alas it wsnt meant to be. bc their distnace would be too big and

oikawa toonie

 

i, im so

I’M GUNNA PUKE WHAT IS THIS IT’S 1:15AM AND I’M SCREAMING

toonie is such a fun word     we also have loonies ho ly shi

canadian toonie :^)

dont u dare                 I KNOW WHAT A TOONIE IS KURT I’M A MEME LOVING MAPLE SYRUP FUCKER

 

no dont compare iwa to igloo austriliai

i cant believe im doing this to my otp and a good rapper, why why the fuck are yall doing this at what cost HADODCKL IG LOROR

TOONIE IS CANADIAN MONEY FUCKNG

IM LOSING MY SHIT TOONIE KIM F UCING K INCYRING

someone fucking photoshop this pairing

i bet its been done honestly

oh my god put it on here

 

You meme fucks ruined iwaoi for me

 

"Had I right, for my own benefit, to inflict this curse upon everlasting generations? I had before been moved by the sophisms of the being I had created; I had been struck senseless by his fiendish threats; but now, for the first time, the wickedness of my promise burst upon me; I shuddered to think that future ages might curse me as their pest, whose selfishness had not hesitated to buy its own peace at the price, perhaps, of the existence of the whole human race." - Frankenstein

*gently breakdances to purify my soul*

Our father

who art in heaven

hallowed by thy name

thy kingdom come

thy will be done

on earth as it is in heaven

give us this day our daily bread

and forgive us our tresspasses

as we forgive those who tresspass against us

and lead us not innto temptation

but deliver us from evil

 

how do we kill of drake. shuld we do it at all. maybe he died of a broken heart

holy fuxq. thats so real

 

i thoufght he was gonna die frm cumming damn

balled 2 hard

fcq…

im 6 i cant write this

  
  
  


drake died.

he d(eh)d. (rip = rap in peace *peac sin emoj*)

MMMM WATCHA SAAAAAAY (mm that u onl ment well)

ooh mmmm watch seeey mmm that its ALL FER TH BEST (of cours u died… *did… ded**)

“he is dead” oikawa whispers “but his love isn’t”

 

WHY IS THHE SMUT SO SOON

U NEED DEVELOPMENT

OH MY FICKING GOD HT THE F UCK I THOUGHT THIS WAS A DEATH FIC

 

wow did u know drake is canadian

bruh I had no idea

 

what the fuck possessed yall to do this

I AM literally not breathing that is it i have died i am typing this from the 6th circle of hell

This was a ride.


End file.
